Carey Says Ums

I have no clue what to write these days. I'm writing everywhere else -- at work, on blogs and in songs. But here? I'm having a writer's block for sarcasm. Why? Sarcasma . . .

Let's face it, with these fake drugs running through my system, I'll never be able to get-snarky-wit'-it again. But I'll always have my blind humour. That's what counts, I guess.

As if Writing 101 via the blogosphere wasn't already crowded enough. . . .

Another blundering idiot just spilled his wine with the kind of slosh you'd expect from a North Carolina hick. No, I'm not from North Carolina. Where did you hear that? But this guy:

Introduce your self in the community forums. Tell us about your blog, your interest or maybe something you know that’s going on online!

. . . Because we certainly don't know what's happening . . . or how to write. That's why we're starting a blog, a forum, an e-mail invite, a BlogCatalog group and a Facebook page. Join us, hye-hyuck.

Here's to edumacation -- for all North Carolinians -- one hick-up at a time.

In his InternetMarketing.com-themed webdrivel, Chris breaks out the red font to explain:

How You Can Get This Top Gun Copywriter To Write A Salesletter That Shoots Out Cash Like A Broken ATM Machine

If you watch Civic Duty, you'll realize writing "ATM machine" is like scribing "automated teller machine machine", unless it's an asynchronous transfer mode machine you're after, you Telus nerd.

My point is this: words matter. These arranged letters count a great deal. Speaking of great, marketeer Jacqueline builds an e-marketing business with a website that reveals:

Great marketing starts with a great story. Without a great story you can’t have a great web strategy, great lead generation, great sales or great PR.

Great. That'll probably win her a $925 Clio. The WWW needs better writers. You wanna help?

I'm proofing. It's something I love to do, but sometimes...

Illiquidation? Is that the opposite of liquidation? Use this in a sentence. Let's see... I go to a liquidation sale to illiquidate my living room. Yes, that makes perfect sense.

NOT! I try looking it up. The desktop dictionary offers nothing and Google runs out of ideas with just five sites, returning with: "Did You Mean? How to Become a Lawyer"

I leave it, figuring that it must be legal creativity at work.

R is an essential letter for better writing. Without it, things look strange and unkempt. A copywriter lacking an R is hopeless. Taglines like "Just do it" are possible, sure, but "Are you ready for some football?" will be a few letters short of a touchdown. R, I miss you. Can I buy a consonant, Pat?